Umpire: You can’t leave first until you chug a beer. Any man scoring has to chug a beer. You have to chug a beer at the top of all odd-numbered innings. Oh, and the fourth inning is the beer inning.

Mike Cameron: Hey, we know how to play baseball.

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It’s not as common as greenies, but big leaguers have been known to step on the field liquored up. … Almost every current major leaguer I spoke to knew of players who had stepped on the field under the influence. When asked what the signs were, the players typically responded the way Giant Ryan Klesko and Padre Jake Peavy did: ‘I just knew.’ Interestingly, another Padre, center fielder Mike Cameron, had a more intimate experience with game-day tipsiness:

“Sh-t, I’ve played drunk.

“When?

“New York City.”

What were the circumstances?

“I went four for four with two jacks and eight ribbies. I’m not saying that’s the only day I played drunk, but that was the best one.”

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Mike Cameron: ‘I’ve Played Drunk’

Frankly, I’m more upset about the cursing.