Ray: Yesterday, after months of rumors and speculation, the Padres unveiled their new uniforms for the 2012 season and while no drastic changes were made, Jeff Moorad and Tom Garfinkel did give the uniform collectors out there something to put on their Christmas list. The biggest change is the piping featured on all of the jerseys, which is meant to emulate the design of the PCL-era set. Other changes include the evening out of the road script (goodbye bow tie) and a new alternate jersey which features the interlocking SD on the chest.

The whole look is incredibly underwhelming, which seems to be what the Padres are going for under Moorad and Garfinkel, but before I go any further, what do you think, Mel?

Mel: Let me start off by saying I want to avoid simply giving opinions of what looks good and bad. Everyone has their own tastes, so those types of discussions tend to not be very productive.

Getting down to it, I disagree with this party line of “Padres fans are tired of seeing the jerseys changed all the time, so we only ‘tweaked’ them.” The new home jersey looks more like the 1999-2003 homes than the 2004-2011 homes, the road jerseys are the third set in as many years, the alternate has been completely replaced, and the piping is a very non-traditional Padre element. These are big changes as far as I’m concerned, and they don’t closely resemble anything I’ve seen a Padre team wear before. Moreover, the Padres have only worn the current navy blue and white color scheme for a year now after eliminating sand in 2011.

Ray: I think the big problem with these jerseys, if I can jump to the point, is that they tried to sum up the history of the franchise with this new set and drew heavily from a completely different one. The Padres have been around for more than forty years and it still seems like all we’ve heard is about the PCL days. Has any other in team in baseball forgone decades of major league history to go with what their minor league predecessor did? And because they’re pulling from seventy years of completely diverse history, we have this bizarre mismatch that left us with a Swinging Friar that looks bad. How does that even happen?

Mel: Most of what the team calls “taking inspiration from the PCL days” is a pretext. It’s an attempt to placate the fans who want a unique, San Diegan look, which of course means the color brown, and the brass hasn’t shown a willingness to go for that.

So instead, they try to replace history the fans want with a history not many fans know about or care for. “See guys, we’re giving you history!” Except it isn’t. My father was 19 years old when the Padres last played in the PCL. It’s not something people identify with. It’s almost insulting what they’re doing.

Then they threw in the Swinging Friar. That’s a nice gesture, but they need to do more.

Ray: It seems like the team focus grouped this uniform to death, but I wonder who exactly they spoke to. They claim that they interviewed season ticket holders but I know a handful of those poor suckers and I don’t know a single one that they talked to. I can’t help but feel like the team knew what they wanted and set out in search of the answers they wanted to hear. I’m surprised they’re not now calling the team the Toyota Terrace Padres of San Diego.

Mel: There were reports of focus groups two years ago.

I agree, the team did what they wanted with the jerseys then found ways to justify it to the fans, rather than the other way around. Then the ownership threw in the 70s Friar as a “secondary logo” in an attempt to placate them.

Getting back to the uniforms themselves, while I’d much prefer a modernized 1975 jersey, I would have been happy had they added something unique or distinctive to the look. They didn’t. While the 2011 version looked exactly like the Brewers, in 2012 the dominant blue color and piping simply mixes in a pinch of Mariners (see photo) then goes out to breakfast.

The unique bit is the dark blue alt, which wins the small battle that no team currently wears that exact jersey. Although the Nationals have come close while the Tigers have worn that design with blue and white swapped as their primary jersey for 80 years.

Ray: Besides the piping, which I’m not a fan of, there’s no cohesion between the three jerseys. They could very easily be from three different teams and that highlights what a half-assed job the Padres did. You mentioned the 70s Friar that they threw in to throw us a bone and it looks terrible. The monochrome look that the team has embraced gives everything a flat look and it’s so unnecessary. The 90s Friar looked like a cherub but at least some thought went into his design.

Mel: What changes would you suggest to make the three jerseys more cohesive?

Ray: A concept. The team has the shampoo logo on the home jersey, what looks like the logo for nu-metal band on the road, and the SD on the alt. Look at what Moorad and Garf did in Arizona. That look isn’t perfect but it’s one look.

Mel: I can’t see a way to put “San Diego” in the shampoo bottle font that would look good. In some ways I like the new San Diego wordmark, though it’s less unique, because it matches the SD on the primary logo and the alternate.

If they’re not bringing back the brown, I’d prefer they stick with the current concept then change to something all new. Just give us something distinguishing along with it.

Ray: Except it doesn’t really. If you look at the “S” in “San Diego,” you’ll notice that it’s angles are much sharper than the one on the hat and OH MY GOD RAY, STOP. That the cohesive aspects of this uniform can only be seen under intense scrutiny goes to show how poor this overall design is.

I don’t hate the shampoo logo but my suggestion is to slap the SD on the home jerseys. That way, the aspects that are kind of similar run across all three. I’m actually surprised that the Padres didn’t do that, given how hard the new front office has pushed the SD logo.

Mel: They didn’t put the SD on the side of the home jersey because they were going for a more traditional look, and I wouldn’t prefer that since it’s exactly what the Tigers do. That “traditional” remark segues nicely into that discussion. You made it clear earlier you weren’t a fan of the classic design, calling it “flat.”

I enjoy that simplicity to a degree, but the Padres aren’t a traditional team and shouldn’t try to be. On the other hand, I am a fan of finding something that works, is distinctive, then sticking with it. Perhaps a simple design offers a better chance of finding a jersey that can withstand trends and pass the test of time. That said, “This chance is the last change, we promise!” isn’t exactly believable.

Ray: I don’t think the team shares your interest in finding something distinctive. It’s almost too appropriate that the Padres brought out these new uniforms in the same offseason that the Marlins completely overhauled their look and the Blue Jays took a serious nod to their relatively immediate history. Those two teams have declared their individuality (in their own ways) while the Padres have blended in.

Mel: Agreed.

We both prefer some version of brown, aside from that happening, we have different ideas about the direction the team should go. Neither of us are in love with the redesign.

It finally happened. The long rumored gray away jerseys have replaced the sand. I’ve been writing this post in my head like a breakup speech all winter long. This is enough to wake me up from my writer’s coma. Suffice it to say I’m pretty pissed off, the new jerseys are not unique and they’re not San Diego.

This isn’t about uniform aesthetics, that is, what I think looks good or what someone else thinks looks good. There is no right or wrong with design. Someone isn’t going to like every design out there.

No, this about the boringification of the team. It’s about the lowest common denominator. It’s about removing every ounce of risk and fun from the jersey until the focus group just says “meh” and moves on. Or goes to breakfast. Motel art.

They just look so run of the mill. Don’t believe me?

While we’re at it, look here and here for differences too.

It is interesting that when the Moorad group took over, one obvious goal was improving the Padres brand. They hired Laura Broderick, a Senior Vice President for Brand Development to do so full time. She’s done a good job too, the brand is more consistent today than I ever remember. One of the most important aspects of any brand is being unique and distinguishable. Yet the Padres are one of 16* teams in the league that use blue as their primary color, and one of 6 teams to use shades of navy blue and white exclusively. Hardly distinguishing. This isn’t the first time an organization with Jeff Moorad and Tom Garfinkel in powerful positions pulled this same shit, exhibit a and b here and here.

People have been yelling for a return to brown for years. It will never happen, at least as a complete brand overhaul to what the team wore in the 70s and early 80s, or something similar. But I did hold out hope we would see at least some homage to it, which one might interpret the new brown camo jersey and hat as such.

The idea behind Bringing Back the Brown is to have something of our own as fans of the San Diego Padres. We don’t want to be the Dodgers or the Brewers. We need something that’s us. Sand away jerseys were something us. Powder blue and navy blue could have been us, but the Rays beat us to it. We don’t want to be them, either.

I hold out hope, but it’s fading fast. What’s funny is I’m more upset about this than I was about trading Adrian Gonzalez, Jake Peavy, or any single on the field decision the team has made the last few years.

This is my Matt Bush. Come 2015, if there is still nothing about the look that screams “PADRES!”, I’ll be complaining.

How are you? I hope your Thanksgiving went well. Now that it’s over, let’s start talking about Christmas and the gifts you should get us fans to buy our love.

I know that you’ve already said that you like the uniform colors and that any changes would simply be tweaks, so I won’t waste your time asking for brown. But I do have some requests.

Can we bring the Friar back? I know that he’s been around, with other members of the Friar family, but I feel like he’s been pushed to the side. The first thing you can do for me, Mr. Moorad, for us, is put the Friar on all jerseys. Home, road, and alt. And please leave him in maroon. Not blue, or tan, but maroon. The jersey could use the added splash of color.

My second request is that you simplify the jerseys. The sand really chases the blue around the home jersey, so let’s put some limits on it: save the sand for the shadow. Please take it off the sides and number.

For your benefit, we’ve drawn a picture.

Looks good, huh? Thank Melvin, he’s the artist. But we didn’t stop there. Since I’m not a big breakfast eater, you’re going to have to really open your wallet to please, and that means you have to change the road jerseys as well.

The bow tie is fun, but not nearly as fun as the jersey it replaced. Not only were they stylish, but they were the jersey worn by Tony Gwynn, Sr. when he knocked his 3,000th hit. That’s a legacy we should honor by bringing into the now. We present you with this.

You’ll notice that we’ve added the Friar and eliminated the letter outlines. We were serious on the Friar, and the simplicity. And it looks fantastic. But maybe you’re not comfortable with the sand jerseys. Baseball has never been a game that rewards individualism, and the sand jerseys are really what set us apart. So, for you, we came up with something a little safer.

As you can see, they still look fantastic. But I’ve got a surprise for you, Mr. Moorad. Does this new road jersey look familiar to you? Because it should. We know how much you admire the Red Sox. We admire the Red Sox, too, for the work they did in simplifying their road uniforms. Just a little something from us to you.

Merry Christmas, Mr. Moorad. It’s less than four weeks away.

Melvin Update: Also of note: no alternate hat with the road uniform. I know, I know, fans seem to like the blue and sand hat. I like the idea of it too, but here’s the thing: it’s completely unreadable more than four feet away. That hat makes the Padres “official brand” into a blob to everyone watching on TV and in the stands. Not a good idea. If anything the SD should be straight sand, no white outline. Like the alternate green hats but blue.

Also, also of note: please don’t get rid of the sand away jersey. It’s the one thing keeping the Padres from being the most boring team on the planet of any sport.

Second Melvin Update: Here is the original, dream scenario jersey design that will never happen because it isn’t something another team has already done.

Petco Park, photo by surfneng.

Recently, Padres Corporate Operations Officer Tom Garfinkel wined and dined the boys of Gaslamp Ball to an evening of wining and dining. I have to say, I’m more than a little impressed with how Garfinkel handled the whole Breakfast Town thing. A big kudos goes out to him reaching out and turning his critics into sycophants (that’s just a joke).

During the evening, Garfinkle asked the boys if there was anything they would change about the fan experience. Completely uninvited, as is our usual manner of behavior, we at The Sacrifice Bunt would like to offer our own suggestions:

5. Bring back the brown

You hear people say this a lot, and God help me if they aren’t right. Another example of the team’s descent into a bland corporate mechanism. Somehow there are actually 35 teams in a 30 team league with either blue or red as their main color, and no I don’t know how that works either. Blue is boring. We used to be unique. Now we’re the low-rent Brewers.

Our saving grace is the sand color. It is distinctive, and matches well with the blue. Of course, this team’s uniforms are traditionally untraditional, meaning the next in the grand tradition of Padres uniform overhauls is due any day now. Here’s my suggestion.

4. PA Announcing Style: The Voice of God.

Frank Anthony, the Padres current PA announcer, is great at what he does. He’s Family friendly, inviting, and comforting. Nothing against him, but it’s also bland and corporate.

Oakland’s Voice of God, aka Roy Steele is more my taste. I want to feel like the mob will come after me if I dare not participate in the Hat Shuffle Extreme™ jumbotron game. I want to feel like it’s a voice from heaven, booming down and proclaiming to all who dare listen the superiority of Luis Rodriguez’s hitting abilities. Deathly. Serious.

3. Cover up the boring, gray, concrete

It makes the stadium look unfinished. Reminds be of the exterior of every monstrosity built in the 50s and 60s, when they thought concrete was modern.

The crew got off to a good start painting the wheelchair ramp near the bleachers in right-center field, from dry gray to Padre blue (You can see the ramp post painting on the far left).

Painting all that exposed concrete blue might be a bit much. I suggest a grand shtickel of sandstone, just like the exterior. It doesn’t have to be the fancy stuff from India. Just make it not disgusting. That’s all.

2. Make the between-inning entertainment entertaining

Ray: It’s not that I don’t find the sailboat races and hat shuffle boring but… well, I find them boring. They’re nice, and completely inoffensive, but I can’t remember the last time I participated in one. If it wasn’t for the occasional left fielder playing along, they’d be completely worthless.

I remember back to the good old days of Guess the Pet, when the fans in attendance would get the opportunity to guess which pet belonged to which Padre. Nothing could entertain like finding out David Eckstein owns a Great Dane. Or the Friar Races. Sure, it’s a total rip-off of Milwaukee and their sausages. And it’s not as clever as Washington and its presidents. But it still clears the way for a pratfall or two, and it actually lends itself to creativity (which Friar will it be this time?). These two should be staples at every game.

And you know what else should be? Press gate Bruce*. Petco Park needs more waving.

Melvin: And another thing: can’t the Friar himself be funny? Seems like all he does during the game is take photos with people in the stands, maybe ring a bell tucked away somewhere that may or may not exist, or wave a flag. He should be dancing on the dugouts, checking poor fielding infielders’ gloves for holes, showing eye charts to and leading a group of kids to poop on the umpires and such. I’m sure a lot of that humor came from Ted Giannoulas, but I bet there is at least one funny person in the organization who can come up with some more schtick.

1. If you weren’t a baseball fan, would you know who plays at Petco?

If you were at the ballpark in Philly you would. Right field. Huge Padres sign. Make it hap’n cap’n. I’ll admit, this one is probably the most expensive suggestion. So while we’re spending oodles of other people’s money, lets put a bigger video screen in right as well.

*Wow your friends with this piece of interesting trivia: Press Gate Bruce was the runner-up in our choice of names for this blog.

Before the world met the whirlwind of wit and intellect that is now known as The Sacrifice Bunt, one Ray Lankford and I designed a Padres jersey concept.

I like the way these build on previous design traditions, bringing together uniquely Padres elements of sand, brown, and the currently used word marks. The look is also both unique and clean, a tough combination to achieve yet is essential to all classic designs. We might even be willing to go without outlines on the text to further streamline the look, a process the Dodgers used to improve their road jerseys.

Check em:

I’m tired of the blue. It’s boring. Everyone uses it. It isn’t “Padres”. Bring back the brown.

4/29 Update: Sac Bunters William, PadreHomer, and others suggested incorporating orange or mustard into this scheme, and Steve C came though big time incorporating it. Check out their work here and here.

I got down around 12:30, and found surprisingly less parking than I expected. Rocking comfy basketball shorts and a t-shirt,  the warm sunny day had me feeling excited for summer.

I wandered in the entrance at 10th and Park, and meandered semi aim-fully to the Padres garage sale, pretty much the only reason I was there. While waiting in the long ass line to get in, I saw a couple dudes walk by, one with a Gaslamp Ball shirt on, but didn’t know who they were. Turns out it was jbox and Jon, I should spend more time at GLB so that never happens again.

My highlight of the day, besides Jbox and Jon, was finding an authentic game used Melvin Nieves jersey.

The lowlight was it nowhere near fitting me, so I dropped $65 this gorgeous Eric Nolte away jersey the team sported from ’85 to ’90.

Most of what they had for sale were newer style jerseys of random players no longer with the organization, and they were all the same $65. That’s a good deal for buying a jersey from the official shop. But if you look hard enough you can grab new, authentic jerseys on eBay for less than $50. Though the eBay ones are blank on the black, names that aren’t Justin Leone or Freddy Guzman can be sewn on for a reasonable price.

I picked up a ridiculously tall Adrian Gonzalez “experience it!” banner for $10. It’s going next to my “Lets go Padres, let’s have some baseball fun!” CD.

Plus I scored a fitted Padres away hat, the newish kind with the black bill and polyester blend. Most of what was there were the old models that magically shrunk and became gross and worthless after about a year. I flipped over entire rows at a time looking for the good stuff.

I was reminded of summer again on my way home as the 8 west was packed with beach traffic. “Get out of my way, I just want to go home!” I yelled, pompously.

Well, the baseball season is officially under way. I’m back after a some time off from The Bunt in an attempt to write the quality content I brag so much about yet only rarely deliver.

Let’s kick off this hardcore analysis with everyone’s favorite subject that only serious blogs dare cover: uniforms.

Most jersey buffs are aware the Padres 2004 uniform overhaul pretty much ripped off the Brewers’ colors and design, which made their debut in 2000.

I don’t know how long this has been going on, but it appears the Brew Crew has since returned the favor. Shots of Milwaukee’s spring training / batting practice jerseys show a striking similarity to the 2005-2006 Padres spring duds, also known as the awesomest, most unique and still somehow good looking uniforms known to man. So much for that distinctiveness. Either way, I love the way that drop shadow pops against the dark colored jersey.

M. Update: Thanks to the result’s of Ray’s actual research (as opposed to my hard hitting guesswork), I’ve learned that we stole the BP design  from the Brewers too. 

Anyway, I might make it to spring training this year for the first time since the Padres warmed up for the season in Yuma. My kiddie cuteness may not earn special privelages nowadays, but I figure I can just tell people to get out of my way, I’m an important blogger. They’re bound to respect that.

Independence Weekend Uniform Crazies

Today is July 6th, meaning that I’ve just started readjusting to meals not of the 12 oz. long-necked variety. So, forgive me if it took a while to adjust to the fact that the past three days worth of baseball wasn’t some strange patchwork of asinine MLB-orchestrated celebrations weaved into a nightmarish weekend of bad fashion decisions…this shit actually happened.

I first noticed the orchestration of this league-wide travesty during the Wednesday highlights for the middle game of the Giants vs. Cubs series. Upon first glance, I noted that my television might be a bit out of focus – “Are those really navy blue hats the Giants are wearing?” I pondered. In retrospect, I might have believed the drinks I consumed to mourn yet another Padres’ loss were the culprit, but make no mistake. While the Cubs hid this secret a bit better, the Giants’ hats were just completely out of whack. I didn’t think much about this, maybe it was just a one-off thing. Therefore, out of sight out of mind and I went to bed none the wiser. Then, without warning, I wake up on Friday morning and this happened…

It’s Captain America’s wet dream. Keep in mind, this isn’t even Varitek’s first venture into bad baseball fashion decisions this season, but it’s definitely the flashiest (although, you could argue that his Memorial Day garb was a bit worse). At first I believed this was merely an attempt for Varitek to draw attention away from his recent 12-for-100 slide at the plate, but at least this went to a good cause. Varitek, like last season, would auction this off with Children’s Hospital Boston. More importantly, however, this signified the beginning of a holiday weekend that would promote my least favorite baseball tradition: league-wide uniform trends.

Granted this didn’t necessarily creep up on people. Fred Wilpon, owner of the New York Mets, announced he was working on this with his “Welcome Back Veterans” program (complete w/Tom Hanks!) a while back and stated his desire to raise $100m from this particular endeavor. Worthy cause, and slapping a few logos on the bases and enduring three days worth of crappy hat designs isn’t the end of the world…but, c’mon. Is it not enough that we, as Padres fans, have to endure the occasional blue-on-sand uniform ensemble? What about the fact that our team’s uniform bears a striking resemblance to nearly a half dozen other teams (namely, this one)?

What’s worse, is we were given a firsthand example of how camouflage uniforms are supposed to look (Green hats? GREEN HATS!?!?!). Granted, the Reds’ attempt was a sad display (and, to spite us all, they wore them Saturday and Sunday), but the frickin’ South Sidin’ Pale Hosers got it right on the first try, guys. It might be a disgusting sight to behold bordering on uniform copyright infringement to the umpteenth degree, but they damned sure got it right. Just look at them:

Brown hat, matching pants…it’s beautiful. And I’ll be damned if Nick Swisher didn’t make it look even better. For being Major League Baseball’s self-proclaimed official Team of the Military, the Padres could at least take a style tip from these Chicagoans and present the camo uni to perfection.

But that’s not even the strangest thing that happened this weekend. While the Reds and White Sox busted out the Army fatigues and the majority of Major League Baseball busted out the Stars & Stripes, Fourth of July cap collection (which you can find and buy here), there were two occurrences this weekend that, I thought, put the icing on the crap cake that was this weekend’s baseball fashion:

1) Northern Shenanigans

The Blue Jays addressed the most pressing question of the week in stride: if the Stars & Stripes caps are specifically released to coincide with America’s independence, what’s a Canuck to do? In response, the Jays donned the best of the bunch, the l’Unifolié cap – a maple leafed sensation:

Forget for a second that it completely contrasts the entire aquamarine theme they’ve got going on…that puppy is visible from space. Awesome. And despite the fact that I watched a lifetime’s worth of History Channel programs on American independence this weekend, and my history degree reminds me that the French actually helped during the American Revolution (it did come in handy!), I’d like to believe that the reason I like this so much is because it’s throwing a giant middle finger to the entire spirit of the uniformity of these uniforms. It’s almost as ironic as seeing the Cleveland Indians sporting their logo in a star-spangled red, white, and blue. That should go along perfectly with smallpox blanket night.

2) Compound the Crazies

On Saturday, the Milwaukee Brewers and Pittsburgh Pirates did their best to throw this whole thing into flux and put on their best retro gear. No, these weren’t the Brewers’ Friday night specials they’ve been sporting (these beauties) – these were the uniforms of the Milwaukee Bears (1923) and the Pittsburgh Crawfords (1931-1938). That’s right, this was a Fourth of July weekend Negro League throwbacks celebration. Now, I’m all for a good cause and I can understand the merits behind wearing these jerseys during a symbolic weekend such as this one, but it was just an overload for me. We already have the ridiculous use of camouflage, standardized caps for every team, and fireworks celebrations around the country that present little history and as much visual stimulation as possible. To me, this cheapens the historical importance of these teams the Brewers and Pirates are honoring. Don’t get me wrong, though – these were some sweet unis.

This seems like poor timing. The perfect solution would have been to bust these puppies out in the weeks around and after the Negro Leagues Player Draft back in June, when most would be aware of the historical relevance. The message is just lost during the hodgepodge of festivities surrounding Fourth of July weekend. Instead, it looks like the players are taking advantage of every excuse to rock the Ronnie Belliard pajama pants look:

Yet, there is a silver lining to this story. For what it’s worth – and I’m sure Ray would agree – Mike Cameron is missed for more than just his glove and bat. He’s still proven to be a master at rocking the throwback uni.

Welp, opening day has come and gone.  Lots of teams are experimenting with the look of yesteryear.  Not just once a year, but as alternates usually worn at home one day a week.

Speaking of throwback days, I think we’re ready as fans to take them up a notch.  There should be beer for a nickel, use of the word “consarnit”, and a traveling freak show in the parking lot that charges two pence a gander.

4. “Classic” Indians look

Who doesn’t remember watching Indian teams of old ablazoned in these garbs?  You?  Me?  Well, both, since they’re designed to look old but were never actually donned by the team. I wonder why they didn’t pick something the team actually wore?

3. Phillies bring classic up a notch

It’s official, the Phillies can’t get any classicer.  The Phillies are the epitome of consistency with their look.  They have no need to invent any crazy new schemes. No rainbow gradients, no sweater vests, no glitter. Just history, baby. And they look gorgeous.

2. Royals go powder blue

The Royals originally rocked these beauties from 1973 to 1992.  These are the kind of cult classic jerseys Padres fans are familiar with.  Ugly, but they’re our ugly.  Check out Brian “Jose Mesa” Bannister with the matching blue fisher price glove.  Someone has to explain that one to me.

1. Jays take blue all the way home

This isn’t your mother’s powder blue.  Ok, I take that back.  This IS your mother’s powder blue, since the Jays decided to take powder blue to the max.  The fantastic campy wordmark and number font, plus the sweet pinwheel hat complete the look. Ultra Sacrificial Bonus Points™ for going with pullovers too.

The blue look in baseball dates back as early as 1941, by the Chicago Cubs believe it or not.  The venerable Paul Lucas of the uniwatch blog elaborates on the bluistory for ESPN page 2.

It’s in the air.  I can feel it.  They’re coming. 2009.  In fact, I propose we connect the dots on this one and wear a jersey from a different era every day of the week.

We here at the Sacrifice Bunt are fans of looking good. A little swagger never hurt anybody, right? I’ve gone as far as creating a study to define a new standard in hipness and with withitness at looking suave.

I would now like to share my favorite uniform crazies from spring training. What’s a uniform crazy? You know I don’t have an answer to that. What do the points mean? LOTS, obviously.

5. I’m so freaking jealous some teams don’t have to wear the crappy hats

As far as I can tell the Marlins, Angels, and Rockies all got out of it somehow. Maybe no one noticed? Why do I even care as much as I do? Some questions in life cannot be answered, my friends. Some questions can be answered, but failed former Padre prospects like myself simply aren’t privy to this kind of top secret info. Score: 8.0

4. New Padres catchers’ mask

These goalie style masks are on their way out, bug dagnabbit ours now looks less girly and weird. Lord knows we need all the manly we can get with Mikey C gone and Brian G still on the roster.

Do take my opinion with a grain of salt. I pegged CY a bit, shall we say, not nearly as awesome before the “happenings”. Score: Mas O Menos

3. Dodgers, Red Sox, Tigers wear regular season jerseys inexplicably during spring training

Not sure what to make of it, but I like it. I can’t help but see spring training jerseys as a marketing tool to sell more crap. The jerseys, the coaches jackets and now special spring training hats change every other year. Just enough to make dumb people buy more shit. Pick what look works and stick with it. Score: ¥

2. 2005-2006 spring training jerseys

Beautiful. Clean, and unique. You never see that, especially with a design used previously by the team in Milwaukee. You can still find these garbs of hotness on eBay for cheap.

Compare to the current scheme. That photo is from 2007. You may notice the toned down hat foreskin for 2008. Anyone with me seeing a 2009 circumcision? Score: Hat Foreskin. Just to say that again.

1. Giles antic: Chargers helmet

Sometimes I feel spoiled watching our boy B break the standards of normalcy on a baseball team for my amusement. At least I assume it’s for my amusement. Though Brian may enjoy some derivative lulz for himself during attempts to make me and only me laugh. The point is there aren’t a lot of players who show off a goofy, lovable personality the way Brian Giles does. The definition of lovable is left to your own discretion.

Add an article like this to the mix, which shows Giles wearing said helmet like a jackass with nary an explanation and we get comedey gold. I love the this kind of non-sequitor behavior around baseball. Aside from the baseball part about baseball, of course. This is the stuff that makes Matty Vasgersian so special. Score:Melvin Nieves-worthy. That’s right. That high.

Do you have a favorite spring training uniform crazy? Share in the comments! Don’t forget to leave a score.

Also, if you haven’t voted in our top prospect poll on the right there, now’s as good a time as any. So far people are with me liking Kyle Blanks.